Higher Education

Saying Goodbye: Acknowledging Grief and Loss in Daily Life
Jared List, 11/1/2020

When I was in college, I studied abroad for a trimester. We spent time in several South America. When we were in Peru, we had a tour guide named Beto who showed us around Cuzco. On the last day with him, he bid his farewell, which went something like this: “Goodbye. I will never see you again.”

This phrase has stuck with me over the years and has impacted me more than I thought. He said it at a time when social media didn’t exist. And, it’s worth noting that we did see Beto again, running into him randomly one day in Cuzco. He was wrong.

Nevertheless, Beto’s phrase comes and goes in my life. While I was taking the end of life doula course during the pandemic through the University of Vermont, Beto’s “Goodbye; I will never see you again” popped back up. When saying goodbye to someone who is dying, the finality of that goodbye can be heavy. We grieve the goodbye; we dread it; we seek any way to avoid. In other cases, we may be at peace with the goodbye and even anticipate it. The goodbye brings closure; it ends suffering. 

The finality of the goodbye when life goes on can stir the same emotions. Whether it be a move, a job loss or change, a falling out with a family member or friend, the goodbye may mimic that goodbye at death. We grieve the loss; we note that person’s absence; we hold on to the memories we share with that person.

The point that I am trying to make here is that grieving life’s goodbyes should be acknowledged. They can be hard. The loss can come in many forms. The pandemic has had us say ‘goodbye’ to many people and things... our routines, our interaction with others, and in over 225,000 cases, our loved ones.

Recognizing and accepting the grief is important. It is okay to grieve. For those who try to minimize or gaslight the emotions tied to the grief, we must push back on the grief’s denial.

Beto taught me an important lesson: it’s important to recognize the humanity in goodbyes and their potential meanings to us.

CDC’s Information on Grief and Loss